That’s Not What He Said

You’d think people who wrote for a living would have a love of words, carefully picking and choosing them to convey precise meaning.

Here’s the headline from a Toronto Sun article on an interview with Robert Downey Jr. about Guardians of the Galaxy:

Robert Downey Jr.: ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ the best Marvel movie yet

And here’s eight more headlines from other sources picking up the story:

Robert Downey Jr. Says ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy’ Is The Best Marvel Movie

Robert Downey Jr. Calls ‘Guardians Of The Galaxy’ Marvel’s Best Movie

Robert Downey Jr. describes Guardians Of The Galaxy as best Marvel movie yet

Robert Downey Jr. Declares Guardians Of The Galaxy The Best Marvel Movie Ever

Robert Downey Jr. admits 'Guardians of the Galaxy' is the best Marvel movie

Robert Downey Jr. Thinks ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ Might Be the ‘Best Marvel Movie Ever’

Robert Downey Jr. Puts His Ego Aside, Admits Guardians Of The Galaxy Is The Best Marvel Movie

Robert Downey Jr. Praises ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’

Guess which headline is most accurate?

Congratulations if you chose “Robert Downey Jr. Praises ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’.”

Here’s the section from the Toronto Sun article quoting Downey:

“Galaxy in some ways is the best Marvel movie ever,” Downey says with admiration. “And it’s odd for someone with — on occasion — an ego the size of mine to actually say that!”

Call me a nitpicker, but “in some ways” is not the phrase you choose when making an absolute declaration, so maybe that wasn’t what Downey was doing.

In some ways, a lazy misquote is worse than an intentional one.

See what I did there?

Caption Challenge

Curiosity did what?

Actually, I prefer to lick myself dry.

Stupid cat? You’re the one who left the door open.

I think it will save everyone time if I just pretreat your clothes with my hair.

When does the ride start?

I claim this unexplored territory for all catkind.

What do you mean you’re going to teach me a lesson?

What’s solitary confinement?

I can never figure out how these Japanese litter boxes work.

You talkin’ to me?

Calling it your job don’t make it right, Boss.

Is Too Much Fast Food Bad For You?

Man Reading Book

Something about the combination of the hair, the glasses, the Grinch, the book, and the sketch just clicks.

It’s Just A Dream

When I’m Earth Overlord, all dream sequences in movies and TV shows must be approved by my Ministry for the Eradication of Overused Tropes.

AUTUER: Oh no! Little Johnny fell down a well and can’t get out!

MINISTRY: What?!

AUTUER: Ha ha. I’m kidding. It’s just a dream having little to no importance to the plot, but it made a great clip to put in this week’s preview. Can I interest you in a cat jumping out from an unexpected place?

MINISTRY: Oh no! It’s the dungeons for you!

AUTUER: What?!

MINISTRY: Ha ha. We’re kidding. Your show is cancelled.

Dungeons & Dragons

If you ever played Dungeons & Dragons, this blog has some information on its history you might find interesting.

I remember first playing D&D with the original set of rules at a friend’s house around 1976, but I eventually grew tired of the dungeon crawls and Monty Haul style of play that the game mechanics seemed to encourage (intentionally or otherwise). If I wanted to simulate a Vietnam search and destroy mission, I’d play a war game, not a role playing game.

It stands to reason that if you have a rule book full of magical items that players can acquire, they’re going to want to acquire as many of them as they can. One of the (unintentionally) funniest lines I’ve heard a dungeon master utter was “You’re limited to one magical artifact per day.”

Many of the D&D magic items have somewhat comical names, such as “Boots of Dancing.” On the infrequent occasions that I was playing with a Monty Haul group, I’d often claim my character possessed mock magical items. My favorites were the “Dagger of Healing” (1d6 of healing and 1d6 of damage) and the “Sword of Surgery” (2d6 of healing and 2d6 of damage).

Here’s how it works, I explained, I just keep stabbing myself until I start to feel better!

No one ever batted an eye.`