Superhero Realism

The Rawness on Why I Hated the Dark Knight:

There are two problems with this movie’s “realistic” angle. First, Christopher Nolan seems to think “realistic” is simply another word for “boring.” Almost everything that makes the Batman character fantastic and larger than life is excised, probably because Nolan finds these elements silly and unrealistic. Batman’s fighting style is toned down so that he’s not doing any high-flying gymnastics or flashy martial arts, just a visually dull fight style consisting of extreme, incomprehensible close-ups on repetitive body blows, elbows and arm grabs. And even worse, these fights are all shot in the dark with lots of quick cuts, which I guess is somehow supposed to increase the realism through incoherency.

We have a boring Batmobile with no bat insignias, oversized scallops or anything that indicates it’s supposed to have a Bat-theme. Because driving a cool-looking bat-shaped car would just be too ridiculous. Joker can’t have permawhite skin like the comics because that’s also unrealistic, so he just wears sloppy face paint.

When I bring up how dark, dreary and joylessly boring this movie is, people respond “it’s supposed to be realistic.” Why’s the fighting and action so badly shot and dull? “It’s supposed to be realistic.” Why’s Gotham City so bland and generic now and no longer has a unique character and design like in other Batman adaptations? “Realism.” And so on and so on.

Which leads to my second problem with all this realism: IT’S A MOVIE ABOUT A BILLIONAIRE WHO TRAVELS THE WORLD IN ORDER TO BECOME THE WORLD’S SMARTEST, MOST HIGH-TECH CRIMEFIGHTING NINJA THAT EVER EXISTED, THEN RETURNS TO HIS HOMETOWN TO DRESS AS A GIANT BAT, DRIVE A WEAPONS-LOADED MINITANK, AND CLEAN UP ALL THE CRIME IN THE CITY BY ESSENTIALLY SINGLEHANDEDLY PUNCHING IT IN THE FACE EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. AND NOW HE’S GOING TO FIGHT AN EVIL CLOWN. So please tell me…what type of mental case creates or watches a movie with a premise so clearly meant to be inherently ridiculous and then turns around DEMANDS REALISM?

Lawyerese

You'd think "Enter at your own risk" would be sufficient warning for a petting zoo...

But apparently not.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Surely, I hoped, when Batman and Superman were together in the same movie, the filmmakers would come to the conclusion that there's no plausible and logically consistent explanation for superheroes keeping their secret identities hidden and they just wouldn't bother trying to create one.

How can Superman, frequently seen in the light of day by the people of Metropolis, hide in plain sight as Clark Kent by wearing a pair of glasses, while Batman, seen mostly a night by criminals, must disguise his voice in addition to wearing a mask to keep his identity secret?

Sigh. One can hope.

Unfortunately, in Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice they kept the bat voice. To their credit, it wasn't the cringe inducing, laughably non-scary, are you trying to hide your identity or do you have a cold, voice created by Christian Bale in the Dark Knight trilogy, but rather a low guttural voice created by electronics in Batman's suit. It actually made his voice sound menacing so I just went with it for that reason.

Then I saw Ben Affleck on The Graham Norton Show where he explained that the bat voice was used to protect Batman's secret identity as well-known billionaire Bruce Wayne.

Sigh.

Filmmakers, if you need an explanation for secret identities, here's the only one you'll need.

It's make believe.

Make believe there's a secret lair beneath your house. Make believe you can fly and shoot laser beams out of your eyes. Make believe that you're secretly a crime fighting vigilante.

And when you're done trying to make the implausible plausible, you can focus on writing a decent story.

The Silliest CLIPS Feature Ever

Professor Joe Warnings from the CLIPS Windows IDE circa 1997.

To Boldly Go Where Everyone Has Gone Before

CBS has announced plans for a new Star Trek TV series that will air in January 2017. The first episode will premiere on the CBS TV network and subsequent episodes will be available on the paid CBS All Access streaming service.

Good luck with that.

If CBS management pulled their collective heads out of their collective rears, they might be able to spot the three mountain size hurdles in their path to success.

First, as I've discussed before, CBS has the most customer hostile streaming policies of any of the major networks.

Missed the last few minutes of your show because the beginning was delayed? Have fun streaming it on demand because there's no way to fast forward. And you're burdened with this streaming restriction even if you're watching it through your cable provider, who presumably you've already paid for the "privilege" of watching CBS.

Looking at the iPhone app reviews for the big three networks shows just how far behind CBS is in customer satisfaction for their streaming service:

People are only going to watch this new Star Trek series if the show is so good that they're willing to endure a horrible viewing experience. And that brings us to the second hurdle.

CBS's recent track record with science fiction is not that good. No one's going to pay for pablum like Extant or Under The Dome. There's plenty of bad science fiction series available for free, but more importantly, there's also plenty of good science fiction series available for free. This new Star Trek series needs to be as good, if not better, than a series like Battlestar Galactica, and that needs to be apparent from the very first episode. Which brings us to the third and final hurdle.

The Star Trek TV franchise is creatively bankrupt. The film franchise reboot achieved success by focusing on the action/adventure aspects of the stories. A weekly TV show is not going to be able to compete with the special effects budget of a film. That means the TV show needs to excel at plot and character development, areas in which each Star Trek TV series in general has been progressively worse than its predecessors.

I've watched every episode of all five live action Star Trek TV series, but the idea of a new series that follows in the creative footsteps of the shows that came before it leaves me completely unexcited. I've had my fill of technobabble and cookie cutter crews.

It would be nice to be pleasantly surprised by the preview episode and watch something that's radically different from what we've seen before while still being familiar as Star Trek, but I'm not holding my breath. And I'm not paying for CBS All Access. If the series ends up being worth watching I'll wait for it on blu-ray.

Backdoor Scam

Why is it that every time the government tries to convince me that they need to be able to bypass the security on smart phones to protect me from terrorists and pedophiles, I feel like they're trying to sell me an extended warranty for a $59 blu-ray player.

Deadpool

• Funniest superhero movie yet
• Fanboy friendly
• Not for kids
• Finally, Colossus that looks like Colossus