Realistic Musicals

When I become Earth Overlord, I'm going to put the kibosh on these so-called realistic superhero movies and TV shows. They’re oxymoronic. If you think Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy is awesomely believable, I’m sorry to inform you that you’re sadly mistaken. 

Here’s the deal: superheroes are like musicals. In real life no one starts spontaneously singing and dancing to snappy show tunes, but that’s pretty much what makes a musical a musical. So you can take the singing, dancing, and humor out of Fiddler on the Roof and call it dark and gritty, but you can't call it a musical. Similarly there are elements of the classic superhero genre that define it. You can’t remove these for realism without redefining the genre. And let’s be really honest; the superhero as depicted in classic comics such as Batman is far more than one or two tiny tweaks away from being realistic. Forget about aliens, radiation-induced superpowers, and magic. The logistics of maintaining a secret identity, changing into costume, and getting to and from your secret lair are realistically insurmountable. Having your superhero speak in a husky voice doesn’t solve any of these issues and in fact draws attention to the unrealistic aspects of the story. There’s a reason why the Batman voice schtick from the Dark Knight trilogy is so frequently parodied: it sounds stupid. Kevin Conroy from Batman: The Animated Series—which is arguably the best Batman to come out of Hollywood—has already solved the problem of using different voices for Bruce Wayne and Batman without sounding like an idiot. There was no need for another solution.

Here’s a thought: If you’re embarrassed by the conventions of the superhero genre, don’t make a superhero movie. If you can buy into Superman shooting fire out of his eyes, but can’t buy into his ‘pair of glasses’ disguise, then maybe you need to make another type of film. Or rather than fixing established characters that aren’t broken in the first place, how about creating new ones that you can make as realistic as you want. Films like Unbreakable and Chronicle come to mind. And if you still insist on making a “realistic” superhero movie, you might want to make the whole thing realistic. Start by getting rid of the part where Bruce Wayne’s broken back is fixed by shoving his spine back into his body and then suspending him from a rope until it mends.