Secret Identities

Grounded in reality. That’s the hot trend being used almost exclusively in DC Comics superhero movies and television shows involving characters such as Batman, Superman, and Green Arrow.

Grounded in misunderstanding is what I’d called it.

Case in point: secret identities.

Here’s a typical line of reasoning from What ‘Man Of Steel’ Gets Right About Lois Lane:

It’s long been the running gag of the Superman universe – that the world’s populace and his closest friends are unable to comprehend that Superman and Clark Kent are one in the same, only one of them happens to be wearing glasses. While it is somewhat conceivable that Supes’ fans and Clark’s acquaintances are too knuckle-headed to see the truth (particularly in the early days of his existence, as we suspect that modern day Superman will have some major problems when it comes to social media, smart phones, and citizen reportership), it’s always been dunderheaded that Superman’s perennial love interest, Lois Lane, is consistently in the dark as to who is who. The main issue with the lovely Lois not seeing the obvious is that she is not only a highly intelligent woman, she is a woman who investigates things for a living. Rooting out truths and seeing beyond the status quo is not only what Lois does, but it’s who she is. Open your eyes, Lois!

This logic leads to an inevitable conclusion:

This is all a longwinded way of saying that we’re used to Lois Lane not knowing who Superman really is, and it’s a tremendous relief that this particular element of the story (no matter how traditional and accepted it may be) is excised almost immediately in Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel.

The problem with this line of reasoning is that it never goes far enough.

Nothing about the the superhero genre stands up to logical scrutiny. Not the superpowers that defy the laws of science; not the costumes; and certainly not the secret identities. The Incredibles had it dead right: if superheroes actually existed, they’d be sued into seclusion.

It’s not “somewhat conceivable that Supes’ fans and Clark’s acquaintances are too knuckle-headed to see the truth.” Once Superman reveals himself, it doesn’t require an investigative reporter to uncover his secret; a child could do it.

Our brains are too good at recognizing faces and voices to be fooled by superficial disguises. If you can recognize the actor doing a voice-over in a commercial, you can recognize Peter Parker’s voice through Spider-Man’s mask. A pair of glasses, a slouch, and a mild-mannered persona are simply not an effective disguise (unless you’re Count Olaf from A Series of Unfortunate Events).

Take the test yourself. See if you can match each of the Clark Kents on the left with the Superman on the right.



The correct answers are A8, B7, C5, D2, E3, F4, G1, and H6. If you missed any, make an appointment with your eye doctor or neurologist immediately.

If you’re being intellectually honest, you’d have to admit that there’s no way Superman could keep his secret identity hidden once he revealed himself to the world. Realistically, it’s inevitable that everyone should come to know that the boy raised as Clark Kent is the hero known as Superman.

And it would be a huge mistake to buy into that “realism.”

Clark is what binds Superman to humanity. Clark is what makes him one of us, not some alien with god-like powers.

It gives him something to lose. He wants to belong. How can he walk among as, as one of us, when we’re aware of his powers. People tend to be a little reserved when they know you can incinerate them with a look.

In short, secret identities are plot devices used to introduce conflict into the story and allow the audience to more easily identify with superheroes through their “normal” alter egos. They’re not intended to be plausibly realistic.

So the next time you watch a movie or TV show and the superhero distorts their voice to protect their identity, ask yourself: does this really make the story more plausible or does it just highlight the implausibility of the entire concept. Wouldn’t it be easier just to accept the conventions of the genre rather than expect a “fix” for them?

If you can believe a man can fly, go one step further and believe in secret identities. Otherwise you’re just saying “I can totally believe in Gandalf and all his magical powers, unless of course he’s wearing a mask and no one can recognize him, in which case it totally ruins the story for me.”

And if you absolutely insist on an explanation for how a superhero keeps their identity secret, go with super-hypnosis. It’s certainly more plausible than anything Christopher Nolan, Zack Snyder, or The CW has given us.